Kunbi Korostensky N.D - MAKING LIFE CHANGES SIMPLE

Can Speaking from Your Heart Make a Difference to Your Change?

I'm sure you will agree with me that most people say and do things in a reactive manner. By this I mean, when confronted by others, people tend to either become defensive or extreme apologetic. These two traits clearly indicate insecurity and lack of inner strength.

It is a fact that most people are not aware of these traits. The reason being that they have internalised their behaviour and use this in dealing with difficult interactions with others. Take for example someone who was asked about his or her honest opinion concernng a plan or a project.

I did this with one of my assistants the other day. What evolved out of our conversation was most unfulfilling with cagey, none transparent answers! Most people seem to believe that by speaking from their heart they will hurt other people's feelings. And those who become defensive simple react out of an inner compulsion. The truth is that both of these tactics put people is a very awkward position and make them "seem" powerless. What people don't realise is that you are never powerless, especially by speaking out from your heart!

If you want to truly be in control of your life, then you have to start speaking from your heart. When confronted by changes, it is wise to become very clear about what is going on inside of you. This especially as far as your feelings are concerned. As long as you are living in a "fog" you cannot take control of your life and you leave a wide door open for others to manipulate you.

Not only does speaking openly from your heart makes an impression on other people which makes people respect you, but it is a breath of fresh air which animates your partner in conversation. Even in business, your boss will always appreciate a honest down to earth communication. Because communication is about coming from a clear space of inner communion.

Never fear voicing your opinion. You have a great gift of inner percepton within you. This guides you in finding the right expressions to effectively communicate what you feel without being hurtful or mean. You owe it to yourself and others to always speak from your heart. I simply don't believe in hiding from my sensing, because in the long run it saves people and myself a lot of pain and agony even if it doesn't appear so from the start.

It is good to remember that change happens for a reason. One of those reasons may be to simply look within yourself with new eyes and be honest with yourself. And maybe it also points you in a clear direction that things have to be different to get to where you want to be.

    

When You Feel Like Chucking it all Up...!

It has been quite a while since I last posted on my blog. Well, apart from having had a rather long and tiring period - between launching my first International Conference for Women and preparing the yearly event for our non-profit foundation and organizing numerous other matters such as programs for 2007, contacting various people for feedback etc - You name it, I was at the brink of a nervous breakdown!

I decided to do what I often advice other people to do in such cases. Take a break. This was exactly what I did. I left everything behind me and went off to a wellness hotel. This decison has done wonders for my inner calmness, peace of mind and resourcefulness.

While in my seclusion, I had a number of insights. And I'd like to share some of them here. Perhaps some of my recognitions would find resonance with some of you.

1. I realized that stress is often a self-imposed state of mind. When I reflected over the last past months of getting the women's conference together, I had put enormous pressure on myself. This was as a result of feeling that I had to deliver a "first class" event even though no one had demanded it of me! What a joke! I could have done less and people would still have found the event remarkable without my having to "tear my hair out".

Insight:  If I ever feel the need to go out of my way to give the "best" possible for anything, then I am not connecting first and foremost with my inner need. My energy gets depleted and I lose sight of what is truly essential, which is enjoying the ride. As important as it is getting things well organized like a clockwork, still, it is meaningless if the heart that drives tthe clockwork gets sucked up! I recognise that I require to continue to work on my ego big time!

2.I need to delegate more and allow other people to share in the fun and to create a dynamic force. None of us is meant to struggle alone. Fighting to see to every nooks and crannies all by yourself is a pitiful and depraving picture. It means more to me to promote joy, laughter and creative purposefulness around me.

Insight: It is time to leave behind my "lonesome cave" and seek out others, inviting them to join me on my journey and becoming co-creators of great visions together.

3. During the entire period of working on and developing the program for the International women's conference, I had ocassional moments of weakness. In these moments, I asked myself why I was going through with the whole thing. Luckily enough, I was able to pull myself together and continued. And I'm glad I did.

In retrospect now, I believe the one main stay that kept me going was my dearest cousin in England. Whenever I felt a little overwhelmed or couldn't see things clearly, I simply called her and voila. She was just the right person to talk to. She always had the right thing to say or the right approach for me to consider. What a blessing to have someone like that in my corner.

Insight: I didn't have to lose heart when certain things weren't working out immediately! By talking to someone special to me or going some places that  gave me inspiration or where I could unwind just did the job.      

      

You And I, We Are The Light of Our World

The other day I was thinking about how a decision based on love and creativity can revolutionize our own world.

One bleak morning earlier on this year in March 2006, I woke up with a strong inspiration which at the time I wasn't quite aware of its true significance. The idea came to me to bring a number of women together to help other women enhance their feminine strengths by tapping into spiritual values.

I have always believed that many people live too much from and for the outside world today. After reliving a near death experience in 2005, I now feel even stronger about this. It is also my conviction that we women need to start paying more attention to our spiritual strengths and learn to use them more consciously. 

I knew that I wanted to create a platform for women where they can feel safe to examine their femininity and develop their intuition. So I thought of organising an International Conference.  From the moment I voiced this out to myself the idea took form in my mind's eye and I began to put a structure together.

It is now September and a lot has happened since that monday morning in March when the inspiration came to me. With the faith and trust I had in unseen forces around me, I have received undreamt of support and help in preparing the first conference of this genre.

It is my strong belief that the conference will be a catalyst for all women attendees, inspiring them to look within and to connect with the source of the Living Creative Power which flows through us all.

Now as the registrations for the conference continue to pour in, I feel deep gratitude and a sense of awe for the magnitude of power given to each one of us to create our own world and thereby to help improve that of others. All it requires is simply to ignite the spark within and let it develop into a full power of light to carry your volition out into the world.

Faith, hope and love are truly mighty forces of power capable of bringing light to your world. And these all lie within you!

See the result of my partnering with these forces at: www.awakenwomen.com                              

You Can Only Fail if You Decide to Give Up

The month of July started with a roller coaster race, in which I found myself racing against all odds.

It all started with my VA - Virtual Assistant informing me that she wouldn't be able to set up the new website pages for our October planned conference. She was having some personal problems which appeared to be affecting her and her ability to work effeciently. After having worked steadily over the last 2-3 months on the site contents and registering the domain name and all, at first I couldn't believe this was happening.

Well it was happening, and I had better find a solution fast! Afterall the website was supposed to have been up by the end of June!  As the initial surprise began to wear off, I realised that this was the opportunity to use my initiative and prove that nothing was going to get in the way of creating a great website for the Conference.

After trying to do some damage control by asking for help at various quarters and alas, to no avail, I decided to turn to the outsourcing platform of professional service provider, the elance.com

Within 24 hours, I was able to engage a service provider in India to set up my new website. The entire procedure proved to be a great adventure. I needed to collaborate closely with the team in India, so I had to get up very early in the mornings as a result of the time zone differences!

I believe I have never had to work so intensely concentrated with a group of people on the other side of the globe. Yes, I know that most people would probably say, "big deal, what's all the fuss about?" Well to me it certainly was a big deal.

First of all, I was determined not to just get anybody to create the website. I wanted someone who would have the time and patient to understand what I wanted and get the job done as quickly as possible. To be exact within 4 days.

Secondly, I have never done this kind of thing before, so I felt as if I was plunging myself into freezing water, where I had to either generate rapid warmth from within or freeze to death! Kind of hypethermia therapy. I decided to do the former and build a good rapport with the "new team". Thereon began a tedious 10 long, dragging days. That's how long it took.

Don't get me wrong, the expereince has been very sobering for me. I now realize how much work goes into creating a professional website. Logo and all!

The webmaster team in India, were exceptionally patient and supportive, and I hang on to my determination until all the pages were just as I wanted them to be. See the final work at: www.awakenwomen.com

Notwithstanding the number of misunderstandings, a few confusions and ex number of direct telephone calls, "the show" went on and got completed. I hope you like the result.

And as Sir Winston Churchill once said: "never, never, never give up". I would like to second that by repeating, you can only fail, if you decide to give up! 

         

Things Are Never What They Appear to Be!

Are there times in which you feel that you're struggling badly with some things and then...wham! Suuddenly and magically, things begin to fall into place?

I have had some very challenging times these past few weeks, but somehow as I began shifting my focus from what appeared to be obvious - and I consciously chose the words "appeared to be  obvious"- I was able to diffuse many difficult situations.

In fact, acutely charged problems simply began to unravel. I received inner promptings for solutions which I otherwise would not have thought of.

It is a wonderful feeling to recognize the validation of the old adage that your own happiness and peace of mind solely lie in your own hands.

When oppositions or adversities oppose us, we tend to focus too much on the problem and get emotionally clog up by who is to blame. Unfortunately, this attitude only eats away at us, and immobilizes us.

But if we can emotionally distant ourself from the problem and focus more on looking for solutions, then we are able to free up dynamic energy to turn things around.

This is what I have experienced. I can assure you, it is much more engaging and invigorating focusing all your inner "radar" on what needs to become than on what went wrong!

Suddenly your heart feels lighter, you take conscise action, you move with certain confidence, you have a certain air of determination about you. All these changes happen because you are driven from within.The energy around you is just electrifying! This were actually what people have been saying to me these past weeks.Truly amazing!

Which proves that if you don't allow problems to stop you or eat away at you, you'll  be directed to find the right angle to things, even in the worst case scenario. For things are really never what they mostly appear to be.

Right now, my maxim is: "never judge any dark moment by its appearance, for you can neither feel how soothing wading in iced cold water can be until you've experienced it". It is a question of perspectivity.               

                                 

The Importance Of Choosing Your Words Consciously

These past few weeks, I have been observing how what I say have great impact in my life and in the lives of other people.

There is nothing new about the knowledge of the power of our words. But sometimes I believe we  either forget about their effects or we simply become slothful in our ways. Still, this is not to say that we can be excused. Because the unchanging eternal laws woven into Creation do not wait for us to become vigilant before reciprocating to what we put out there in the form of our words or deeds for that matter.

Yesterday, a colleague asked for my opinion about her health issues, which she has unsuccessfully  been dealing with. Immediately, I was tempted to shed some light on what I perceived to be the source of her problem. But then, something held me back, and I listened within.

It became very clear to me that what she now required, was not what I had to say about the source of her health issues, but rather encouragements on how well she was managing with the situation. So I changed my focus and listened with my heart. As she continued to speak, I observed her feelings and then asked her what exactly she wanted from me. The answer came like a rocket!

She said she needed my moral support and my words of wisdom which she felt had always given her the strength to deal with difficult issues in the past! Amazing what simple listening can bring to the fore. 

Once again, I was reminded of the importance of truly tuning into other people's feelings to really perceive how best to serve them at a given time.

My change of focus saved me from making a grievous mistake and undoubtedly disappointing or worst still hurting a dear colleague. Had I gone ahead and said what was in my mind, I would have missed the opportunity of knowing what is really of benefit to her.

Sometimes it is best to hold back a thought before deciding to put it into words. For once your words are pronounced, they are out of your control and a constellation of vibration is set into motion.                     

 

Frustration Or Unlimited Possibility?

If you're feeling frustrated with your life or job, this is the time to do something about it. As I read the article from Doreen Banaszak, I was once again reminded about how we truly have it in our own hands to create abundance and joy. You can begin to improve your possibility for a better outlook by deciding to shift your awareness.

In the article, "Living a life of "Frustrated Potentiality"?  Doreen outlined 4 simple Steps which can easily propel you away from your frustration and manifest new possibilities for you.

Here goes:

Living a life of "Frustrated Potentiality"?

Frustrated Potentiality...

I wish I had this phrase 5 years ago when I was sitting at my desk, wanting to bang my head on it, thinking how much more I could be doing if I wasn't working 60 hours a week at a job that wasn't meaningful to me.  At least I would have had a phrase to explain exactly what I was feeling!

How does "frustrated potentiality" feel to you? What images does it conjure up for you?

When I came across this phrase the other day  it immediately reminded me of a famous quote, that talks about people leading "lives of quiet desperation", but with one big difference...

"Desperation" lacks hope, "frustration" indicates a willingness to do something, if you can get past the frustration.

If you've ever felt this and are like I was, you simply plow forward and focus on changing your circumstances.

But what usually happens when we follow this course?  We get what we think we want and then we want more, so yet again we are back in our state of "frustrated potentiality".

So if changing circumstances doesn’t help, what will?
Learning how to "create" your experience is the key to getting beyond frustration and into flow.

Let's take your career for example.  If you always wanted to do meaningful work, but felt as though you couldn't make money doing it, you will always experience "frustrated potentiality" until you actually do work that is meaningful.

Ok, now you know why you are frustrated...

So, where are you feeling "frustrated potentiality"?

Ask yourself this question regarding any area of your life, your relationships, money, career, family...

Now use these 4 steps to turn your frustrated potentiality into unlimited potentiality...

Step One, Get HONEST!

Ask yourself what you really want in this area. Let's go back to the career example.  What you really want here is to make money doing meaningful work.  That's it, plain and simple.  The trick here is to be completely honest.  If you're not, you will remain frustrated even though you say you think you know what you want.

Step Two, Define What You Mean

Now ask yourself, what does "meaningful work" mean to me?
What would I be doing?  Who would I be doing it with?  Do I like to work independently or with a group?  What have I always felt was important? What ideas have I had in the past around the idea of meaningful work?  How much money do I WANT to make?

DO NOT THINK ABOUT HOW YOU WILL DO THIS!  If you do, I guarantee you will not get to step 3.

Take a moment and just start asking.  Let the flow carry you to the next question.  What you'll end up with is an idea of how this might actually be a possibility for you.

Step Three, Create a Vision for Yourself

Now create a vision of you doing what you've defined.
Picture yourself doing the work and collecting the check.

Why is this so important?  Because until you can feel that this is a real possibility for you, you won't have the ideas and thoughts that will create the opportunities to make it happen.  If you are not positive about this, you may as well stop now.

Step Four, Look for it!

I had a client who got to this level of detail and found a job description that matched exactly what she had defined for herself.

Another client took his definition on a job interview and asked exactly for what he had defined and got it.

Many entrepreneurs have used this to define their ideal client and they seemingly appeared out of nowhere.

So a life of "frustrated potentiality" or one of "unlimited potentiality"

It's your choice, now that you have these 4 steps!

Doreen Banaszak is a coach, teacher and the author of the upcoming book, due for release Spring 2007, "Excuse Me, Your Life Is Now", the follow-up to Lynn Grabhorn's New York Times Best Seller, "Excuse Me, Your Life Is Waiting".
Register for Doreen's free mini-course, "Access Your Power", 4 Steps to Deliberately Create Any Experience You Want" at http://www.your-life-is-now.com

How Do You Cope With Change?

This is a question I'm often asked by clients. Since this is something I've spent my whole life dealing with, I'll be lying to say there's a simple answer.

As a specialist of issues around change, I'm always looking for other peoples awareness of this issue. So when I came across a very good text on change, I feel compelled to share it here. It sums up the various emotiional stages of change which can help you recognise where you are. If you're going through a change now.

The Author Clare Evans works with busy, stressed individuals and small business owners to help them plan and organise their time more effectively.  http://www.clareevans.co.uk

“The only constant is change”. Change is something that affects us all in our lives some more serious and impacting than others. Moving house, changing jobs, redundancy, divorce, losing a loved one, death, they all affect us in different ways and our ability to cope varies from the type of person we are, to how strong we feel at the time, what else is going on for us at the time and our level of stress.

Whenever we experience change we all go through a natural response curve that will vary according to speed and intensity from person to person.

Essentially there are six main stages to this curve.

Shock and Denial – often when we first hear the news or are impacted by change we experience shock, denial, confusion, fear, numbness and blame. How often do you hear people say “I can’t believe this is happening” or appear cold, unemotional and not react when they first hear the news?

Anger/Resistance – this often follows on after the initial shock. Frustration, anxiety, irritation, embarrassment and shame. Wanting to take it out on someone else or blame someone for the situation you’re in.

Dialogue/Bargaining – as we start to come to terms with the situation we are more likely to be able to talk about it. Often the healing part of the process happens when we are willing to talk about what’s happened. It really does help. Many people who have been through change and emotional upheaval find it helps to share their experience with others either in a support group or with a professional.

Depression – at the bottom of the curve comes a sense of overwhelm and helplessness. This may result in a complete inability to function and no energy or motivation to do anything. People may withdraw into themselves – physically and mentally and switch off emotionally.

Acceptance – when you’re ready to move on you are more able to accept what has happened, start to explore new options and put plans in place for the future. It becomes easier to think more positively and this in itself has a beneficial effect.

Return to normality – while ‘normality’ may not be possible in some cases of loss, once you have accepted the situation, moving forward to a more secure and meaningful existence is once again possible.

What you also find is that you will swing to and fro within the change curve and may pass through certain stages more quickly than others. Some people stay stuck at a particular point because they don’t know how to move on and this can hold them back for months and even years and stops them from . You may also find yourself going backward as you adjust to the change before finally being able to move forward.

If you’re going through a period of change – I hope that this helps you to recognise where you are and that it’s OK to feel all these emotions. If you’re having trouble dealing with a significant change and what’s significant to you may not be significant to others – then don’t be afraid to put your hand up and ask for help and support. That may be from your partner, friends or a professional. The quicker you learn to deal with your emotions, the quicker you will be able to move on and grow stronger as a result.

Working from Intuition - How our Cat Daisy Overcame her Fear of Eating

It never stops to amaze me how once you attune into yourself, even the most apparently difficult situation just vanishes or at least loses its impact.

I was to be reminded about the power of the intuiition once again. For several months on end, one of our cats Daisy has had a small swelling in her mouth. Needless to say that this inhibited her ability to chew and eat properly without inflicting pain.

The first visit to the Vet ended with a minor operation, whereby a tooth was  extracted and the swelling cut open and stiched up. Thereafter followed 2 weeks of antibiotics which I religiously administered to Daisy. All this happened last Summer and she was back to her old self.

Late Autumn 2005, my cat started refusing food again. As I observed her,I remarked that even though she was hungry, each time she took a bite her whole body shook up and she cried out in pain! So after trying to treat her myself without much success, I took her back to our vet.

He remarked that she was in pain because she had an open wound in her mouth and once again I was given some antibiotics to administer for 10 days. When the 10 days were over,I decided to follow the antibiotics treatment with Vitamin C drops in her food. It worked. She was fine and ate again until 2 weeks ago, when I observed her looking slyly as if suspicious of her food!

Each time her food was placed in front of her, she moved very cautiously towards it but wouldn't touch it. I checked out her mouth and there it was, the culprit. The wound was open again. What now, I thought to myself, another quick trip to the vet? No, I felt that this time I had to do something different.

There's something you have to know. Being a naturopathic doctor, except for some life threatening injuries, I have always treated all our cats by myself right from the time they were kittens.

So I listened within and felt intuitively that I can help her get well. I prepared a mixture of Echinacea, specially to boost her immune system and added some Silicium to it to heal wound. In the past, I have administered this remedy successfully to my patients. I guess why not now for my cat.

After preparing the mixture I began giving it to her. The first day she ate a little, but refused to eat much. The following day I followed my intuition and sat next to her on the floor gently stroking her while she ate. This soothed her nerves and encouraged her that she could do it. At first she was sceptical. She backed away, but I gently brought her back to her food stroking her. She tried again and when I continued to stroke her while she ate, I could feel the tension and anxiety leaving her whole body. She relaxed and finished her food.

It's been a week now since I started with the treatment. Here is what I do: In the morning and evening I give Daisy 2 squarts of the drops, mash up her food to facilitate eating, and while she eats I sit next to her and stroke her. It certanly works and whenever she gets frightened, I simply talk quietly to her and encourage her to continue eating by stroking her.

She always seemed to understand and followed my lead. She's now content and is no longer in pain.

It is truly amazing how much you can learn more by listening within and following your inner guidance. This is especially important in times of changes.               

Divorced and Dejected, 5 Powerful Reasons to be Proud of Yourself

A painful divorce usually leaves people at the end of their tether.

This is understandable, considering the amount of energy that goes into making con-cessions, holding it together and completely miss-managing your emotions.

Every life changes, wanted or unwanted ultimately play a "roller coaster" on our emotions.

For the majority of people, ending a marriage is a huge step. Thus most people would rather remain in an unhappy marriage than leave.

If however, you find the courage to let go of an unhappy marriage or are forced into doing so, the following reasons can help remount your morale quickly. 

1. You can have compassion for yourself. I'm convinced that when you got married, your intention wasn't to divorce at anytime.

Your primary reason for getting married was to share your life happily with your chosen partner. Even it didn't turn out that way.

None of us has all the answers or control over our lives, least of all, over the lives of others. We can only learn to accept what we cannot change.

When you made your vows, you alone knew what it meant to you at the time.

2. You can stop feeling like a failure, because you're not! Life is about learning and growing.

Don't get intimidated by statistic quotes and let go of the image of fitting into a model.

You possess all the capabilities to create a great life for yourself even after a divorce! And don't you believe otherwise.

Failure only occurs if you give up on yourself. If you're still hurting, give yourself time to heal.

Learn to forgive yourself and move on when you feel ready. 

3. You can start celebrating your success as a free and wholesome individual.

As beautiful and fulfilling a great marriage can be, you don't require someone else to make you complete.

I once pointed out to a client that his wife leaving him could be exactly what he needed. This could get him to start thinking about his own needs and taking charge of his own life.

Sometimes people get sucked into their marriage and completely lose sight of their own identity. I am not saying that you shouldn't commit to your marriage.

Think about this for a moment: you had an identity before you got married and you still had that identity after marriage, so why gave it up?

You owe it to yourself and deserve to evolve to your best possibility in your own time.

Sadly enough, most couples seem to forget this. Especially those who marry very young.

4. You can give yourself some credit for facing up to the truth and ending what was no longer fulfilling to you or your partner.

It requires true honesty and courage to "pull out the plug," face your chagrin and be consequent.

There are a number of people living in unfulfilling marriages, as a result of fear of being alone.

Evidences also show that some people remain in their marriage for circumstantial reasons or based on mutual arrangements.

I encourage you to pat yourself on the back and feel proud that you're strong enough to stand on your own. You now have a great time ahead of you. A time to get re-acquainted with YOU and your individual needs.

5. You can be determined to see this new phase as a time of "becoming". Envisage your future as an opportunity to examine other exciting areas of life.

Have a sense of purpose and focus on making the best use of this period.

How many times have you taken a decision in the past quite uncertain about its outcome? Only to realize later on that it was one of your best decisions ever. This could be one of those times.

Who knows, you might even discover new values hidden deeply within you.

As you can see, viewing your divorce from the right perspective is essential for your inner healing. This can help you let go of guilt and self persecution. The sooner you can begin to perceive yourself as someone of worth, the quicker you can relinquish the past. Thereby you can focus fully in the present to create a more fulfilling life for yourself.